Miss C In the Big Easy: Day 1

*Post dated from Monday 4/19 due to my inability to write while drinking

The joy I felt waking up in the morning knowing that I would be heading off to New Orleans, a city that has forever been on my list of places to see before I die, was indescribable.

Boarded a plane headed for Houston to connect me to my final destination and found myself seated next to two incredibly hot young men. The 3 hour flight felt like about twenty minutes as we laughed and talked of the best new spots to hang out in San Diego, sipping multiple Jack & Cokes. Nothing like chatting it up with cuties to pass the time. Our arrival in Houston yielded me only about 45 minutes to catch my connecting flight, so I passed them my card in hopes to hang out with them in the near future.

I grabbed my rental car and set foot onto the land known as the "Big Easy." The beach city life I had grown up in was a distant memory. Surrounded now by swampland, rusted abandoned buildings, street lights that hang from wires and multiple sno-cone stands, New Orleans completely emulated all the visions I had of what the Deep South would look like.

Upon arriving downtown to my hotel, the Crowne Astor, I took all of 30 minutes to go from airport grungy to nightlife diva and met up with my coworkers and clients at Pat O'Brien's, a popular local tourist trap famous for humongous hurricane drinks and even more humongous hangovers (which to my detriment I discovered the hard way the next day). And so my first night in New Orleans began!

After leaving Pat's we walked down famous Bourbon Street and wandered into a little dig called Sammy's, where I tried my first fried alligator. Contrary to popular belief, it does not taste like chicken! More like a combination of calamari and turkey. Actually quite delicious.

Bourbon Street

The step by step of the evening escapes me. Fueled by hurricanes and excitement we traveled up and down Bourbon. What a town! There was music erupting from every pore of the street. Jazz, rock, blues, hip-hop. From the famous clubs to the back-lit bars to the performers beating drums on the street, it was a cacophony life, making my blood race and my heart sing. People stood on the edge of old wrought-iron balconies above brothels and bars, throwing massive quantities of beads and people as if playing a game of horseshoes. And for no reason at all, just to have fun. It felt like an adult Disneyland. Pirates of the Caribbean to be exact. No wonder I was in heaven!

We ended up in a karaoke bar called the Cat’s Meow, which offered a limited selection of songs printed on a regular food menu. Kind of lame, but karaoke and I are old friends, so I got right up on that stage and sang my heart out. Couldn’t have asked for a better night!

Diva-ville.

Somehow I made it back to my hotel prepared to work the next morning. I threw my pile of colored beads on the floor and crashed my head on the pillow, the lullaby of jazz drums singing me to sleep in the distance.

Bada-ba, bada-ba-du-bada, bada-ba…..

Droid Does Everything (But Speak English)

The Motorola Droid. Quit possible one of my favorite purchases to date. That little thing truly does everything. It turns the ringer off for me at night when I go to sleep and puts it on vibrate Mon-Fri while I’m at work. The background wall paper tells me what time of day it is by changing its picture during sunrise, sunset, day and night. I can customize just about every single aspect of the phone from individual text messages to weather widgets. In a nutshell, it’s freakin’ awesome.

With the rollout of the 2.1 software came an exciting new feature called talk to text in which you can talk to the phone for your emails and text messages and it will type out what you say. Too bad Droid doesn’t really speak English. Or any other decipherable language. I’ve had nothing but good laughs from some of the stuff Droid spits out when I’m trying to respond to texts. Like this morning when my friend sent me a text asking if my stomach, which hurt earlier, felt better. I replied via the voice option, “thanks, it does.” Droid replied, “thanks id tags.”

So just for the hell of it I thought I would try some popular movie phrases on my Droid.

Me: It’s nothing personal Sonny, it’s just business.
Droid: Personal funny business (yes, yes it is)

Me: I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.
Droid: All mega man offer he can’t refuse (remember that game? Ah, Nintendo)

Me: 2nd star to the right and straight on until morning.
Droid: 2nd start to the right on dental morning.

Ok, at least we can kind of see where Droid may have heard the wrong thing. Then there were the phrases that just made no sense when Droid rehashed them:

Me: You’re dumber than a bag of hammers.
Droid: Cumberland of work.

Me: Don’t be hatin’ you fool!
Droid: Gumby Houston.

What? I thought I would give Spanish a try:

Me: Muy bien (translation: very good)
Droid: We b n.

Me: No me gusta esta programa (translation: I don’t like this program)
Droid: The best program (getting defensive here!)

Me: No me gusta pinche puta (I don’t like it f-ing bitch)
Droid: Appeal to the present (guess Droid doesn’t like Spanish cuss words)

Then I started trying to talk directly to Droid. Give it a little tough love. It replied back. I am not making any of this up:

Me: Droid will your program ever work?
Droid: Drug rehab program ever work (how rude!!!)

Me: No really, are you ever going to work right or will you always mess up?
Droid: we’ve ever want to work right are you a weakling nasa.

Getting nasty!

Me: Quit being such a stupid bitch!
Droid: I think you’re a stupid ######!

I swear it said that!

Me: Now I think you’re mocking me, are you mocking me?
Droid: I think you’re mocking near you mocking me.

Ok, only slightly retarded, but Droid and I made up. I’ve decided that the coolness of all the features Droid has to offer aren't lessened by the fact that it doesn’t listen very well. Most of the men in my previous relationships didn't listen well either and I didn’t kick them to the curb because of it. I kicked them to the curb because they sucked. And Droid kicks ass.

Me: It’s ok Droid, you’re still my favorite phone and I love you.
Droid: If that ain’t right you’re still my favorite found an island.

Ah, I love my phone.